The issue of orgasms is one near and dear to our hearts. If you're not orgasming as intensity as you once did, you might feel a little unsatisfied to say the least. And if it's an issue of your own body or mind, that can be seriously frustrating! As a GetLusty (male) reader notes, he once had powerful, intense orgasms and now doesn't feel they're as strong. As always, we're here to serve you. So our resident sex therapist and counselor, Dr. Mousumi Ghose of LA Sex Therapist, answers his question thoroughly. Do you have questions of your own reply@getlusty.com.
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Dear GetLusty,
I have a question. It regards decreased ejaculate in older men. As a young man I very well could have been a feature player in adult films due to how forceful and how copious my ejaculations were. As an older man however I produce very little if any cum upon climax.
In addition, the intensity of my orgasms are significantly diminished. Which is a shame because I'm having the best sex I've ever had in my life and my girlfriend is extremely sexy and open everything sexual that I have ever fantasized about before we met. Particular anal. In fact, she's quite talented at it and enjoys it more than conventional penetration.
Yet, as hot as this is (and by hot I mean, whenever I masturbate to porn, ultimately I cum thinking of sex with her) I still have a very hard time maintaining an erection or reaching a climax. While Viagra works for the erectile problem, I've tried holding off sex or masturbation for days or even weeks in hopes that I could build up semen in my system. Unfortunately, this hasn't worked.
I eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly, drink moderately and am cutting back on smoking. I take blood pressure pills, but I'm not sure of the physiological effects that may have on this condition.
I really miss those powerful, squirting cums that I used to have.
Any advice or knowledge you might be able to share would be very greatly appreciated.
Signed,
Wants to Cum
Dear "Wants to Cum",
Thank you for your email. The age issue for male sexuality is a very important one. It's important to know that men's sexuality shifts and changes with time and with age. Boys and men in their late teens and 20's are what I like to call "walking erections." That is--they get erect almost seamlessly and have very few limits to their sexual functioning. They are also experiencing peaked hormones, which is not necessarily their natural state. As men grow older into their 30's and 40's, the shift they experience is more mellowing. This is actually a very natural state. Many men trip themselves up a lot by second guessing what is happening as, "negative", "unnatural" or "bad". They think something is "wrong" with them. Most of the time, this is untrue.
I would like to ask that you do visit with a medical professional. Sometimes, as we age, we do experience declining health in other areas. I know you mentioned you are healthy, doing exercise and maintaining good health habits. However, it's important to know that many medications do in fact effect your physiologically. Unfortunately, your sexuality is not divorced from the rest of your body. Check with your doctor, as the blood pressure medication may very well have side effects.
Otherwise, focus on the actions you can take. You already mentioned you are having the best sex of your life! Then what is the problem here? As a society we put so much emphasis on erections, intercourse and orgasm. That's barely sex at all. That's a very limited view of sex, when our bodies are capable of so much more pleasure. Get into a mindful practice where you are focused on feelings not on end goals.
Make a commitment to get into the touch, smell, taste, sights and sounds of the sexual interactions. Get creative, do more anal, as you mentioned, get kinky with your hands and mouth. Use all of your senses, consciously. Unfortunately holding off on masturbating and cumming to produce more cum later is not something I recommend either. It's not a case of being backed up or not, the more you do it, the more you increase your odds of great experiences. My suggestion is to enjoy the ride and forget about the destination.
Good luck,
Moushumi
This is a guest post from the well acclaimed Moushumi Ghose.Moushumi Ghose is a Sex Therapist, Educator and Coach, Radio Host, Musician, and Filmmaker. She is licensed by the California Board of Behavioral Science. She is a member of AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists). Mou also has extensive experience working with a variety of populations and diverse lifestyles.
Moushumi recently completed an eBook on, "Marriage, Money and Porn." and writes extensively for numerous other sites ranging from Men's Fitness Magazine to GoodTherapy.org. Find her on Twitter @motor_amour, Facebook and her website LASexTherapist.com.
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