Rough Times? Have More Sex

GetLusty has already discussed why having more sex equates to a better quality of life. But why do you need to have more sex when life gets rough? Sometimes, in relationships, we can forget that sex is really wonderful. It gives us oxytocin and a surge of other positive-brain chemicals.

Lidia-Anain Bjorkquist is back with a post from SexLoveJoy about why running to your partner during life's tough times is necessary, rather than running away from him/her.

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Hard times, problems and stress are things that we can’t avoid forever. We all eventually go through times that are rougher than others, we all have problems that corner us, and we all have our stress limits. These things are universal but how we cope with them varies from person to person.

For many avoiding sex while they are going through rough times is standard. It is easy to put off intimacy and avoid being sexual with our partners when we have real life problems attacking us from all sides. Sex doesn’t seem that important when you’ve been laid off, when there’s barely any money in the bank or when you aren’t sure if you’ll be able to make all your bills this month. I have known this kind of stress and too often I’ve fallen back on worry instead of falling into my partner’s arms.

At times when stress levels reach maximum overload, our sex drives slow down.

There isn’t a person among us that can’t say that at one time in their life they’ve completely lost their sexual appetite due to dealing with life’s problems – if it didn’t go away it at least slowed down or was ignored. Our sex drives are meant to push us towards having procreation sex not recreational sex which is why we instinctively find it easy to avoid intimacy and sex when life is turbulent.

We are programmed machines that know that the last thing we need and desire is bringing a child into a world in which we are barely managing. Our bodies shut down that side of us and it is too easy to say, “sex just isn’t that important right now. I’ve got a lot bigger things to worry about.” We are programmed machines but thank heavens that these days we can control our procreative powers therefore we don’t need to shut down our sex drives. Ever.

In those moments when life is attempting to beat us down being more intimate and having more sex might be the best answer. Ever.

Holding hands, hugging, cuddling, kissing, sex and orgasms release oxytocin which bonds lovers and acts as a physiological peacemaker. When life becomes threatening, we most need an abundance of “feel good” hormones circulating through our bodies. Turning to our partners for intimacy and sex heals us literally from the inside out. It is so much easier to face stress when the oxytocin that was produced while we were hugging, kissing or sharing an orgasm with our partners is helping us not overreact at the world. Those moments of intimacy that don’t seem “important” are vital to keeping us healthy and stress free.

Yes, problems won’t go away if we don’t deal with them and you might say that having more sex has never solved anything for you. But it is important that during rough times you keep the oxytocin cycle that bonded you to your partner going. The more you hold hands, cuddle and orgasm the more oxytocin you produce. The more oxytocin you produce, the less stress your body internalizes, the less stress you feel. Then, the more you are able to face problems, the more you seek intimacy and sex with your partner for comfort... and it keeps going round and round.

Intimacy and sex reduces stress, bonds you and gives you a joyful boost. All of which you need especially during rough times!

More intimacy and sex is definitely the answer for me, especially when there isn’t anything that we can immediately do to solve our problems; we don’t worry. What we do is turn to one another, we become more intimate. We have more sex and we allow for love and faith to get us through those roughest times.

Sex might not be important but it is healing!

There are a lot worse things that people can turn to when they are having hard times. Falling into your partner’s arms when life is pushing you down is the right thing to do. That hug after a hard day of work, cuddling on the couch while you talk about how you’ll make it through another cross-country move after an unexpected layoff, and making love even when you know that tomorrow is going to be the roughest day yet, will help you cope with stress, will push you forward and will heal your weakened heart, body and soul.

At the very least having more sex with your partner during rough times will keep you bonded because oxytocin is one hell of a sweet natural drug.

Here’s to you and your loved ones always drawing in closer when times are rough and to the Celestial Planning Committee getting my partner and I through this very rough patch life has put in our path.

This is a post from Lidia-Anain Bjorkquist, the woman behind sexlovejoy.com.

Lidia is a SFSI certified sex educator who helps her clients to cultivate healthy sex lives and mindful relationships that empower them to thrive both in and out of the bedroom. She believes that shameless exploration and expression of sexuality, love and pleasure are the keys to creating lasting joy. Find her on Facebook and Twitter @SexLoveJoy.

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