9 Rules for Amazing Public Sex

Yesterday, we wrote up on places to have quickies. As you may have noticed, we're fans of loving adventurously. Public sex can be amazing, wonderful and extremely sexy. However, there are extra requirements when making love outside. We did have several pieces of feedback from scared ladies noting neither they nor their loved one's would want to see another couple doing "the do" outside. Totally agreed! In fact, there are several rules to keeping public sex amazing. Namely, that it's not too public. Think about these guidelines while getting it on, and we think you'll have a highly entertaining time. GetLusty's Crimson Love reports.

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#1 Do it at night

Make sure that if you're going to have sex in public, that it's dark outside. You don't want to be easily spotted. If you may be doing it in the bushes, see #6-#8. Tip: While you're at it, enjoy this nighttime fun with soft, sweet kisses and an emphasis on your closeness.

#2 Don't get nude 

Unless you're on a nude beach, we don't recommend being naked. Full nudity is usually a bad idea. Keeping most of your clothes on. For example. take your top off but keeping your skirt on. Tip: Just because you're clothed doesn't mean you can't be sexy. Making love with articles of clothes on can still be very hot.

#3 Wear accessible clothes

Wearing a dress or skirt for easy accessibility can work well. Why? With pants, you have to unzip and unbotton. Trying to get them back on? That's also difficult. Have you ever seen somebody try to get back into tight jeans? Laying down is always much easier, but not very quick. If you're caught by a jogger or walker, wearing a skirt or dress means you can pop up like nothing happened. Tip: Walk quickly and laugh with your beau. Yes, you just did that. Aren't you both dare devils?

#4 No audience

Makes sure there are people around. Why? Having sex with others around--unless it's an orgy--is public indecency. It's illegal for a reason. No one wants to see you making love unless its consensual by all parties involved. Tip: Scan the area. Look left, look right. Don't see anyone? You're good to go!

#5 Tone it down

Don't be so loud so that people will hear. If you're in a public park or beach, it might not be a great time for loud sex. Want to be tied up and costumed out? Mmmm, no. Public sex isn't the best time for that. Want to try quick, enjoyable and exhibitionist sex that makes you feel like a rebel? Now you're talking!

#6 Doing it outside? Watch out for nature

Oh my goodness! Have you ever been making love outside and realize you're near an ant hill? Or by some animals, ahem, materials. Tip: Carry a flashlight (#6). Review your surroundings with the flashlight. No flashlight? Check out the ground for hills, glass or otherwise. Put your blanket down (also recommended as noted in #7), and move on!

#7 Bring your flashlight

For obvious reasons you want to see where you're going and it can help prevent any dog poo or ant hill incidents. Think bringing a flashlight is annoying? Keep one in your glove compartment. If you're bike riding, take your front light instead. Easy peasy.

#8 Bring your blanket

This one takes more planning. If you take a blanket, you likely know you'll be making love outside. The ground outside isn't very public-sex-friendly. If you're going to lie down, you should have a blanket to give you some cushion. Bring it at the very least for a barrier between you and the hard ground! Don't have a blanket? Use a jacket, towel or any kind of extra material you have at the moment!

#9 Be time wise

Having sex in public is an activity that shouldn't be prolonged for hours and hours. Why? It increases your chances of getting caught. Keep it under twenty minutes for more popular destinations is a good rule of thumb. In a less crowded area where nearly no one is likely to visit? Tip: Here, you can take up to an hour before we've experienced it to start getting, well, less fun. You could go longer if you came prepared (tent? food? hidden location where nudity is legal?).


This is a post by staff writer Crimson Love. Crimson is our resident fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone! Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson at amber@getlusty.com.

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7 Provocative Locations for a Quickie

Have sex! Wait, what if you don't have much time? We're all busy people – running from chore to chore, job to job – life's hectic. But a tight schedule is no reason to miss out on some lusty, spontaneous interaction with your partner. Sometimes, all you need is a few minutes – maybe less. GetLusty is all about a passionate quickie from time to time, but let's make it a bit more interesting. GetLusty for Couples writer Grace Mary has 8 sexy location ideas for a salacious quickie.

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‘Hectic’ and ‘busy’ are two words which describe nearly everyone’s life. So how is it possible to keep your sex-life alive and burning hot when your datebook is packed enough for three people? Quickies might be the answer to your fantasies. Popular wisdom says that women need long romantic sexual encounters everytime. As usual, popular wisdom is only somewhat right, but mostly wrong. Having your partner sweep you off your feet with his I-must-have-you-now passion is a turn-on all on its own.

Finding the right place for your passionate rendezvous is essential. Everyone has fantasies about ‘doing it’ somewhere illicit. Elevators, movie theaters and that supply closet at work are favorite fantasy hotspots. Sex in those places can be great, but remember originality is always a great turn-on. Here are some hot spots for a cool quickie between you and your lover.

#1 The library

This location is especially hot if your lover happens to be the librarian. One of the great things about libraries is that they have lots of nooks and crannies. Find one in a section where few people go and study a little biology. Standing up pressed against a wall or sturdy bookcase is the best position for library sex. Remember though, Shhh – people are trying to read.

#2 Changing room

Sex in a changing room is similar to sex in a bathroom, but with fewer smells, more room and a greater chance of getting caught. If done correctly, sex in a changing room can be a thrilling little treat and will make your man much more interested in shopping. Be sure to pick a store where the changing room has an actual door, not a curtain. Unless there is a little of the exhibitionist in you. If so, have at it!

#3 Public beach

There’s nothing cooler than some quick underwater sex on a hot summer day. Swim out far enough to be away from other people, but close enough to keep the life guard from noticing you. Some playful tickling and fondling on the way out can get you both in the mood. Once you find a good depth, push the swimsuits aside and go to town. Chances are, anyone seeing you will just think you’re making out.

#4 Tree house or snow fort

This one is mostly for couples with kids. Having sex in a space usually reserved for kids, adds a whole new level of excitement. Plan ahead and stash some blankets and pillows before luring your partner outside. Sex in a snow fort sounds like a chilly enterprise, but you’ll be surprised how fast you can generate enough body heat, especially with the right motivation.

#5 Roof

A curious thing about cities is that no one ever looks up. Everyone is in too big of a hurry to worry about what’s going on above them. If you live or work in a place with roof access, take the time to sneak away for some skyline action. Whether at night under the stars or during the day with the rushing sounds of urban life below, sex on the roof will give you a thrill to remember.

#6 Alley

A favorite fantasy spot for men, maybe not as popular with women, alley sex is doable if you scope things out ahead of time. If you want your wife or girlfriend to get excited about some risky back alley sex, pick a nice alley. Find someplace reasonably clean and free of vermin and people. Variations she might be into are a secluded parking lot or under a bridge. No woman who has seen the movie “Henry and June” will say no to sex under a bridge. For those couples who like it dirty, make the shower your next stop.

#7 Parents’ house

The ultimate in naughty sex spots whether you're a teen or a mature, sensible adult. The next time you are both bored at the family Thanksgiving dinner or Fourth of July picnic, whisper into your partner's ear, “Meet me in the laundry room in five minutes.” Be sure to lock the door and don’t make too much noise. Slip back out and enjoy the rest of the party.

Grace Mary Perez is a freelance writer with a wide variety of writing credits to her name including interviews, articles and blogs. She, also, has nearly a decade of experience writing erotic fiction. Grace is a founding member of the Devient Minds - NFP. Devient Minds is a not-for-profit organization which works to increase sex-positive attitudes throughout Chicago and the greater society. DM-NFP has produced sex positive podcasts, events and is currently producing a citywide festival. She is a proud follower of the Qadishtu path of spirituality. Helping individuals and couples discover the full potential of their sexuality is one of her primary goals as a Qadishtu.

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Tantra 101: 15 Minutes to Amazing Tantric Sex

Are you ready for some intense Tantric sex? So are we, but first thing's first. If you're going to start learning about Tantra, you'll need to know how to condition your mind. Tantric sex is about finding a oneness with your lover, and the universe. This isn't something you can just jump into. You must make your two souls one, and learn to communicate on a level beyond human language. Still game? Alright then! Janelle and Rob Alex show us a quick and easy exercise that will bring you one step closer to Tantric sex.

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Taking your sex life to a higher and deeper level simultaneously through Tantric practices begins outside of the sexual act. It really is about fully blending the masculine and feminine within you – your Shiva and Shakti as well as blending your soul with your lover’s. When you can come together and are no longer aware of where you end and your lover begins, then you can experience Mahamudra, or a total blending with the Universe as a whole. Yes, you will still be able to tell your physical bodies apart from one another, but the sensation of melding your soul with your lover’s soul and even on a Universal level in which you sense a blending with All is an orgasmic experience that is like no other. But how can you move toward this potential?

It doesn’t have to take vast amounts of sexual experience or a deep spiritual practice to open the doors to these new levels. Such things can be beneficial, but are not absolutely necessary. We are about to share with you a few things you can do that will take no more than 15 minutes – unless, of course, you choose to spend more time on them.

Before we share them, it is vitally important for you to understand that as you go into these exercises that you have no set goal in mind. Be open to accepting whatever experience you have as the one you are meant to have. It does not need to be like someone else’s. It is your experience. Just as no two of us are identical, no two of our experiences should be expected to be identical either. Furthermore, the experience you have on one occasion may be quite different from the experience you have at a different time or in a different place. Do not expect sex, orgasm, or spectacular fireworks. Just remain open to what comes through for you. Do not expect anything of your partner either. Place attention on your lover, but with no expectations. Open your heart and soul and just be.

Set time aside

The first step is to set 15 minutes aside for the two of you to focus on one another. Practice the following exercises/activites and willingly let your guard down. Remember to focus on yourself during this time, too.

Create a safe and sacred space

This can be as simple as dimming the lights, lighting candles or a fire in the fireplace. You may choose to play music softly in the background (music you both enjoy – with or without lyrics, sounds of nature, tribal beats, etc.). Lay a soft blanket on the floor or join one another in the center of your bed. Surround yourself only with things that support the two of you. Take down any pictures and put away any items that bother you in any way. Remove any clutter from the area.

Yab Yum

One partner will sit cross-legged while the other partner will sit facing him/her. The second partner will wrap his/her legs around the first partner’s waist. This yab yum position will place you face-to-face. If this is uncomfortable for you, adjust accordingly. Perhaps crossing your legs isn’t comfy or sitting on your lover that way doesn’t work for you. Change it. You can also sit in two chairs facing one another – close enough for your knees to touch or even close enough so that you place your feet in between your lover’s. If you can, wrap your arms around each other. Otherwise, hold hands. Place your foreheads together (the third eye kiss) and just breathe. Remain like this for 3-5 minutes. Simply hold this gentle, quiet space for each other. Notice your lover’s breathing. Notice your own. Pay attention to the way he/she feels as you are touching. Then notice how you feel physically and emotionally. If outside things pop into your head – work, kids, the dog – just acknowledge them and then return your focus to the moment.

Honoring through your kiss

You can remain in this position or you can shift. Again, this is about he two of you and your experience. Spend the next 3-5 minutes kissing your sweetheart. These kisses do not need to be hot and sexy. They can be gentle and sweet. They don’t have to be open-mouthed or even have to be on the lips, though know that the heart is literally connected to the tongue physically, as well as spiritually. Take turns kissing one another. Allow your kisses to reflect how you feel about him/her, how you want to treat him/her, and how you feel. Communicate through this affectionate display how you want to treat your relationship overall.

Communication via eye gaze and touch

While you are either in yab yum or simply facing each other, look into your partner’s eyes. We often get so busy that we forget to do this, and I am not even talking about forgetting or overlooking the deep long look, but we can easily just barely make eye contact at all. Looking into your lover’s eyes helps connect the two of you. Sometimes, especially if you haven’t done this for a while, gazing directly into his/her eyes for a couple of minutes can feel like a staring contest. If it makes you uncomfortable, just start out with what works for you. Gaze lovingly into your sweetie’s eyes until you feel the need to look elsewhere. Then shift your gaze, roaming your eyes over his/her body. Take notice of every inch – ears, cheeks, lips, nose, hair, shoulders, neck, etc.. You can also trail your fingers along as you move your gaze along the body. When you are ready, look into the eyes again, even if your partner is not looking into your eyes. Eventually, your gaze will draw his/hers back to you. Continue to move through this experience together for 3-5 minutes.

See how easy it can be to move into a different space with your lover? If you can dedicate to trying these activities a couple of times each week (or even just once a week to start), you will begin to notice a transformation in your relationship. This doesn’t have to be complicated, and remember to let your expectations go. Let it be what it is for the two of you.

We're so excited to get a couple writing for GetLusty! They're both adorable, smart and altogether wonderful!

Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. and Rob Alex, M.Sc. are writers, counselors as well as Sacred and Sensual Teachers. They recently completed an eBook on "Sexy Challenges: Sacret and Sensual Experiences for Lovers" which is on sale at Amazon! Learn more about them on Sexy Challenges.

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Best of 2012! Camille Crimson's Top 10 Places to Give a Blowjob (NSFW)

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Best of 2012! 3 Simple Ways to Give a More Loving Handjob

It's never to late to ponder about all the fabulous things that happened in 2012 (think: GetLusty)! We loved this one so much, we put it back on the shelf as a, "Best of"!

Handjobs should never be forgotten or underrated. What could be more sexy than waking your man up in the morning with your hand gently caressing his shaft? Now, we all know by now how to give an amazing blowjob and why blowjobs are important thanks to the amazingly talented Camille Crimson. But what about the handjob? Tommy Allen, our favorite happily married husband, is here with some advice on the handjob and why it can be the main attraction more often, rather than just a teaser.

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How can something so simple and yet so sexually satisfying as a handjob be so misunderstood? Just the sight of her dainty hand wrapped around your growing and responding sex tool is a visual aphrodisiac.

Too often, a handjob has been relished to the role of foreplay; just a teaser, not the main attraction. I think occasionally, the perfect handjob can be the feature! Below are several recommendations for making your next manual love session better.

#1 Initiate 

Wake up one morning and gently roll him on his side facing away from you. Pull yourself tight against his back with your breasts pressed hard against him. Reach over and touch his lower stomach with your fingers. Rub your hand back and forth just above his dick without touching it. In a few moments he'll have an erection that cannot continue to be ignored.

Have a towel handy and place it where the expected explosion will occur. When you put the towel under him you are telling him that you expect to jack him off until he cums and he should feel free to let that happen. That towel is the assurance he needs to realize he's free to let go and let it happen.

#2 Move slow and steady 

Now wrap your hand around his hard toy. Bend your hand so the tips of your fingers are rubbing against the underside of his penis as your hand moves up and down his shaft in a slow, steady motion. Let the palm of your hand gently glide back and forth along the entire length. Don't jerk, don't beat, just sensually slide up and down and quicken the pace ever so slightly as you feel him tensing.

Just remember he is absolutely enjoying your hand jerking off his dick, but it's the totality of sensations that accumulate to make this a mind-blowing experience. Breathe gently on the back of his neck while pulled up close to him. Push your pelvis forward so he can feel the warmth of your femininity against his ass. Brush your toes against his legs and feet.

#3 Connect with him in the moment

Just before explosion, pull the final trigger. Stop stroking and put your finger in your mouth as if you're tasting what he's offering.

Then caress the head of his penis with your wet fingers from your own mouth. Rub the moisture all over the head so he knows you are sharing your juices with him. The time is right to pick up the pace and finish the job.

Make your strokes more deliberate and intense. Breath heavily with him letting him know you are anxiously anticipating his release.

Once he ejaculates, gently rub the extra juices over the head of his penis while you both relax and enjoy the moment. I'll bet he'll offer you something special in return. Check out Tommy's other article on lovingly playing with his balls, for some added pleasure!

When we heard from Tommy, we were very excited. He's still very much in love with his wife of over 3 decades. And he wants to share his successful skills! 

Tommy has been happily married for 34 years and together he and his wife has 3 grown sons. He is a student of life and love. He loves to learn by watching, listening and observing others. He use his blog to share his observations on life, love and relationships. Love is Tommy's favorite subject. He and his wife have lived, loved, loved and loved some more in Daytona Beach for more than 18 years.

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5 Ways to Make Sex More Sensual

You've heard from GetLusty about intimacy and sensuality in sex - about intimacy before and after. So how about making the act itself - whether that's intercourse or foreplay - more sensual? Our newest writers, the cutest counseling couple we've seen recently, Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. and Rob Alex, M.Sc., are here to shed light on sensuality in sex.

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When you hear the word “sensual” you are most likely going to relate it to something sexual. If someone says to you, “You should try these strawberries. They are the most sensual fruit I have ever tasted,” where does your mind go?

Does it click in on just the fact that those strawberries must have been ripened to perfection? Or does your mind instantly click to a sexy image of biting into the fruit? What if someone offers to take you on a sensual journey? The first thing that probably comes to mind is the sexual scenario implied by such an offer and not the possibility he/she was just inviting you to the local grocery and department store. That could be sensual after all – taste this food, smell that cologne, feel this fabric, hear that song, read those tabloid headlines.

Yet, isn’t doing your regular shopping something you sometimes dread. It has become boring. It feels like a chore. You just want to hurry up and get it over with because you know you need to do it, but really don’t want to. Uh oh, those descriptions might well cover something else in your life. Sex.

Sex can absolutely be animalistic and a "rip your clothes off and jump on your partner" experience, but it can be very slow and sensual too. It should never just be about taking off your clothes, getting under the covers, groping each other a couple of minutes and then bumping and grinding for a few more minutes. So, how can you explore sensuality and bring it back into your sex life? Remember that sensual means that you are gratifying the senses. Satisfying all of your desires such as seeing, touching, smelling, hearing, and tasting is where sensuality really arrives on the scene. And, guess what, satisfying your sixth sense – your intuition or spiritual self, is quite sensual too.

Here are 5 ways to make your intimate play sensual. Bonus: Call it intimate play ;) That changes it up right from the start.

#1 Focus on sensation

Wear clothing that feels good on your skin. Silk is a common suggestion here as it is cool to touch and so smooth. The feel of it brushing against your skin throughout the day can be a turn on. And, when your partner touches you through the silk that can be extremely exciting for both of you. If you don’t want to wear a sensual type of material during the day, then pick up some silk scarves or a feather or something velvety. Then you can use these different items to drag over your lover’s skin later in the evening. Focus on the sensation of the material or item touching you. It may be relaxing, tickly, or it may just have you ready to grab your lover and get busy.

#2 Light up your senses

Bring different flavors and smells into your lovemaking. One interesting way to do this is to get the Sexy Challenge: Lips Like Sugar as it offers you unique insight into trying different tastes with and/or upon your partner. Adding different flavors to your physically intimate life with your beloved can occur in a variety of ways. Food may seem like an obvious thing to bring into your lovemaking and there are many ways to do that, but don’t overlook flavored lubes as well. There are also a vast number of ways to bring in amazing aromas. Scented candles (we always recommend flameless candles for safety), lotions, colognes, lubes, and the different food items are all great ways to enhance your sensuality.

#3 Listen

What about hearing? How can you make that sensual? You could whisper sexy phrases or words of love into your partner’s ear. You could turn on music that you both enjoy and that will get you in the mood.

But what about hearing the sound of your lover’s laughter? Bringing laughter and silliness into your sex life can be an amazing experience. Just let go and be goofy together. Laughter and lightheartedness will bring powerful, playful passion into your life and hopefully, you will come to appreciate the sensuous sound of your lover’s laugh.

#4 Massage

Time for a little naked massage! Yay! This actually satisfies more than one sense. With low lighting you can visually soak up the beauty of your sweetie all oiled up and glistening, but you can enjoy the aromas of scented oils or just the animalistic smell of him/her too. With both of you naked you can take turns rubbing your hands, your feet and your entire body – yep, genitals are great massage tools too – over your lover.

#5 Focus on their pleasure

Last but not least, we highly recommend that you pay attention and be consciously aware not only during foreplay and lovemaking, but at the peak of orgasm, after you are coming down from orgasm and for the next couple of days.

How do you feel? Did you notice anything out of the ordinary – visions, images, an extreme sense of bliss or simply like you entered a void or time was suspended? Sexual orgasmic energy taps you into the creative source (call it whatever you like – the Universe, Spirit, God, the Divine or even I don’t know what it is, but it sure feels goooood). This access to creativity through orgasm is why we want you to pay attention up to a few days later to see if you are more creative, have new ideas, solve problems easier than normal or maybe you just have a bigger smile on your face and feel energized.

Use these five ways to bring more sensuality into your sex life and we believe you will transform your relationship and take your intimacy to a higher level – no matter where it is now.

We're so excited to get a couple writing for GetLusty! They're both adorable, smart and altogether wonderful!

Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. and Rob Alex, M.Sc. are writers, counselors as well as Sacred and Sensual Teachers. They recently completed an eBook on "Sexy Challenges: Sacret and Sensual Experiences for Lovers" which is on sale at Amazon! Learn more about them on Sexy Challenges.

You have read this article better sex / for couples / for men / for women / foreplay / intimacy / sexual adventures / sexual exploration / sexual health / sexual rut with the title sexual adventures. You can bookmark this page URL https://moviereelmania.blogspot.com/2013/01/5-ways-to-make-sex-more-sensual.html. Thanks!

5 Simple Ways to Make More Love (vs. Just Sex)

Do you ever find yourself just having sex? Making love seems so far away. You may be slightly frustrated, but there are many simple ways to get back on track. In fact, making more love can be a relatively simple process. As Drs. Janelle and Rob Alex know, there are many ways to be sensual (versus just sexual) during your next sex session. And even focusing on making sex more sensual seems to bring some questions up. Including, what about making love? Want to make more love? Read on!

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If you are just experiencing the physical actions. The bump and grind. The sweating and huffing and puffing, you and your partner are truly depriving yourselves of the amazing gifts that you can share when you make love versus just having sex. Sure, there can be a good release from the pressures of work and life in general if you reach climax. But the benefits of the physical act are brief compared to what can be gained from opening your heart and experiencing your intimate activity with your emotions, too. And, even if you didn’t plan on it, when you open the heart you are given the chance to connect with your souls too.

Does your relationship seems to be in a good place except you feel like your sex life is suffering a bit? Then bringing the following suggestions into your love life can greatly enhance the lovemaking and move your good emotional relationship to a deeper level. If you are emotionally disconnected from your lover, then the following tips may be a start to reconnecting. But there may be much more work that needs to be done. There is no magic cure. Yes, there are love potions and spells and you can absolutely learn to direct your sexual energy towards manifesting all that you want in your life. But, it is vitally important that you understand that our closest relationships are opportunities for personal growth as well as spiritual growth. Want some simple ways to make more love?

#1 Quality vs. quantity

Being physically intimate with your lover can transform your life physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. When you enjoy great lovemaking you receive fantastic benefits. And, though we suggest you make love at least two to three times a week that may not fit into your lifestyle. What is even more important is the quality of each lovemaking session. Jumping between the sheets and bouncing up and down for five minutes to make sure you do it often enough will, in our opinion, bring more negative energy into your relationship than the closeness and deep bond most people desire. Take into account the rest of the suggestions in this article and make more love.

#2 Let down your guard

Becoming naked with another person. Allowing yourself to let go and reach climax let alone experience multiple orgasms makes you vulnerable. Few people realize there is great power in understanding and opening to your vulnerability. When you allow yourself to be truly vulnerable with your loving partner you can reach much higher states of erotic ecstasy. The fact, is that at some point in your physical intimacy not only you, but your sweetheart has or will encounter the sense of being vulnerable. We highly suggest that you let your guard down with one another.

Trust in each other and open to the possibilities of what that can offer the two of you. As we mentioned above, this does not necessarily just happen because you want it to. There is no off/on switch. You need to have good, loving, open communication with your partner and you need to create a safe and sacred space to make love. Letting your guard down emotionally with one another outside the bedroom will increase your chances of doing so within your lovemaking.

#3 Let go of expectations

Consider what you want out of your sex life with your partner. What do you expect to happen when the two of you get physical? Once you have sat with this question and pondered it and believe you have a pretty good idea of what you expect, we want you to let those expectations go. What your body wants, what your soul seeks, how easily sexual energy will flow through you is not the same day after day. This is true for your lover as well.

Therefore, having certain expectations going in can leave you seriously disappointed when the physical act is over. Do not make it your lover’s responsibility to pleasure you. Instead, take responsibility for your own pleasure while also holding yourself responsible for doing your best to bring your lover pleasure. Communication is key here too. Be aware of what is happening in the moment and respond to that for yourself and for your sweetheart.

#4 Be playful

Bring laughter and teasing and silliness into your relationship – inside and outside of your bedroom. Joke around, allow your goofy little inner child to come out and play. Forget the pressures of life for a bit, and share the special bond of friendship with your lover. You can even change your wording around sex. Instead of calling it “sex” or “lovemaking” or any number of other things from “doing the nasty” to “getting busy” call this fun and special time “intimate play”. You don’t always have to call it that. But changing the wording now and again offers you a different view of it. Also, it offers a chance to honor this time together and a chance to express your love in a unique way.

#5 Input = output

When you tap certain letters on your keyboard you probably expect certain words to show up on the screen. Of course, there are often times when you need to backspace and correct a typo. Why is that? Well, because what you typed in is what is going to show up. The knowledge you have, the skill you have in typing and spelling and grammar is going to dictate what happens upon your screen. Well, guess what? You can only offer the amount of love and compassion and excitement for your lover that you already have for yourself.

This is a big concept for a lot of people, but it is true. If you don’t feel worthy of love or pleasure, if you don’t have compassion for yourself, or if you don’t have a sense of excitement around your own life, then you cannot offer these things to your lover. At least, not beyond the depth of which you can do for yourself. This final suggestion to making move love and moving past just having sex means you have to start with yourself.

How much do you love yourself? (Emotionally. This is not about masturbation, though that is another suggestion for another time.) Can you feel compassion for you when you make mistakes, when you are suffering, when you look at your faults? Are you aware of your unique abilities and the great gifts you have to share with the world? Can you be excited about whom you are and what you have to give? Loving yourself more fully opens the door to loving your partner more fully and this will show up in your lovemaking and when you turn it into intimate play.

Bonus tip!

Recognize that making more love isn’t just about foreplay, sex toys, oral sex or intercourse. It is about touching your lover’s arm or back when you are in the kitchen or in public. It is about holding hands like you likely did when you first dated. It is about eye contact. There is a great deal of communication that the two of you can share without ever uttering a word during the normal day-to-day activities. Making love is about sharing a journey – the journey of your lives as well as the possible unique spiritual journey you may experience while engaging in your sexual activity.

You can honor each other during lovemaking. It is important that you do, but you can also honor each other and your partnership in an infinite number of ways that have nothing to do with sex. (*And, this will most likely not only deepen the quality, but it will likely increase the quantity, too!)

Any comments or questions? Feel free to comment below!



Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. and Rob Alex, M.Sc. are writers, counselors as well as Sacred and Sensual Teachers. They recently completed an eBook called "Sexy Challenges: Sacred and Sensual Experiences for Lovers" which is on sale at Amazon! Learn more about them at Inward Oasis. Follow them on Twitter @sexychallenges and Facebook.

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6 Must-Try Kinds of Foreplay

As we move through the holiday season, we need to work a little harder in all the areas of our lives. So many distractions and obligations! Out of all the things you need to make time for in your busy holiday schedule, be careful not to neglect the most important matters. Like foreplay!The simplest of ways to spice up sex is elongated, quality foreplay. Don't just jump straight to cunnilingus or blowjobs, they aren't the only kinds of foreplay, as amazing as they are. GetLusty writer Brittany Meyer is here to give some simple, yet fun foreplay ideas.

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Foreplay simply means any kind of sexual activity that precedes intercourse, so why not try to make it as arousing as possible? Here are 6 kinds of foreplay you should consider experimenting with.

#1 Erogenous zones

Male and female anatomy have different sensitive zones. We all know that the pubic area is very sensitive (that’s why sex rocks) but foreplay concentrates on the rest of the body. People under estimate how sensitive the rest of their bodies are. In fact, many people can have orgasms without even having their genitals touched, if stimulated correctly. The ears are a great area to focus on because they are loaded with thousands of nerve endings. Focus on areas that don’t receive much attention: the under arms, back of the knees, sides of the body, and hips. Try lightly stimulating these areas with gentle touches, squeezes, kisses, and licks. It will feel like you are requesting permission to pleasure them.

For some help with male erogenous zones, try His 10 Erogenous Zones You Should Know.

#2 Try a toy

Sometimes a trip to a local sex shop is just what the doctor ordered! Playing with a vibrator, massager, flavored lotion, or a soy candle can be quite inspiring. One of the most amazing things I can recommend is getting a scalp massager (one of those spider-looking things) and use it on your partner.

They have a gentle touch that can thrill you with anticipation extending to all sorts of nerves. It is also wonderful because it will seem more unpredictable than what you're used to, and the chilly metal can be a wonderful feeling.

#3 Withholding

A popular sex technique is to back off when you know your partner is about to cum and rebuild the orgasm for a more intense climax. Try this same technique with foreplay; try taking it slow, so much about sex is control—try being the one in charge of the pace and just when they can’t take it anymore and they want to begin intercourse, back off and let it rebuild.

This will build on your partner’s anticipation and as soon as you decide to begin, hand over the reins and just allow them to unleash all that passion. You will not regret it.

#4 Talking dirty

There are many shades of dirty talk, from vanilla compliments to kinky, dirty, and smutty. Keeping open communication with your partner will help you know their boundaries. If you still feel uncomfortable, we recommend two approaches:

Start simple by just telling your partner what you enjoy about them. It can be, “I love when you press up against me,” to, “You know just what to do to me.” Depending on the response, gauge how far you can go and how well they respond to what you are saying. The other approach is to dive right in: Say what you have always been thinking – like, “You know how to fuck me like nobody else,” or, “I’m going to fucking make you cum all over my mouth.” Some people will love to be called a slut, and others will find that distasteful. This approach is a little more of a risk if you haven’t done any dirty talk before but can be extremely rewarding for both of you if you hit the right note.

#5 Take it longer

For those of you into psychology and experiments, this will be perfect for you! This technique can be extended over a day or even a whole week (if you so choose.) The idea of it is to drop little sensual hints over a period of time driving your partner wild. It can start with the morning being just an erotic massage before work, but be sure to not to do anything more.

When they are at work, send them a text reminding them of how excited you are for them to get home tonight or how you can’t get them off your mind. When they come home, be sure to go out of your way to touch them when you normally would not, for example; brush by them in the hallway, hug them from behind when they're preparing dinner and sway your hips with theirs, put your leg under their leg at the dinner table. Simple acts that are not necessarily sexual, will get their attention. By the time you two head to bed, their eagerness will have been building all day and they will be ready to go.


#6 Clothes (and lack thereof)  

Some people are afraid of lingerie but it could be a fantastic move for both of you! The most important thing you can do is buy something you feel comfortable wearing—a nice pair of panties with matching bra is something you can enjoy and can actually make you feel good.

Or try a sexy bodice that you love looking at yourself wearing; something that makes you feel sexy is ideal. The more comfortable you get with yourself in these clothes, the better it will be for the both of you. Another form of clothed foreplay is simply, clothed foreplay. You get completely different sensations from being touched when you have clothes on than when you do not. Try playing around with over-the-pants touching or fooling around wearing different fabrics. Sometimes a nice silk robe is a turn-on in itself. Sometimes, you don't need anything too special. Try walking around, carrying on as you normally would at home, wearing a short skirt or a revealing top. Get him/her to notice you. A sheer top with a black bra underneath, a button-down shirt, unbuttoned to show off your cleavage. Don't show too much, let his imagination take over, and don't be intentional – just walk past him a few times. When you sit, arch your back, sitting straight up, and cross your bare legs. Just tease him/her with the sight of you. Another thing you can try to do with clothes (or the lack of them) is a sexy dance. Try moving around to music; make a short routine to turn your partner on. People are turned on by sensual movement on the dance floor so why not try it in the bedroom?

Try any number of these foreplay recommendations, but I do recommend just trying one at a time to figure out what works best for you and your partner. You will probably come to find that a combination  of some is exactly what you need, but hey, have fun with it! After all, it is sex.

Brittany just moved to Chicago after finishing her degree from FSU and arrived with a thirst to learn about everything that has to do with sex. Having been involved with The F-Word, The Vagina Monologues, amateur drag and sexuality classes, she is a very sex positive lady. When she's not admiring architecture, Brittany rocks the mic at stand-up comedy clubs across Chicago. Questions or comments? Get in touch via reply@getlusty.com.

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