Are you in a sexual slump? Not feeling too confident in your sexual expertise? Here is a guest post from Shannon Andrews-Ray.
She's our Mighty Agent Femme and she's here to talk about getting out of your sexual slump and having better sex!
OK, so sometimes we do talk about singles. And we couples could also learn a thing or two from singles. So here's Shannon to talk about getting out of her sexual slump. Maybe we could learn a thing or two? Shannon Andrews Ray reports.
* * *
Recently, I’ve seen a sexual slump. The Mighty Agent Femme has struck out far too recently. My drought has lasted two plus months. And with it comes the onset of sore fingers and dead batteries. But this time another after-effect followed: Was I, Ms. Sexpert, bad in bed? I’m a lover of great sex but am I a great lover during sex? I mean, just because you love to eat doesn’t mean you know how to cook.
The more I thought about it, the more it began to bug me. I mean I’ve never had partners swinging from chandeliers, praising my sexual expertise. But I’ve never had them complain either. Could all of them just have been nice and bored at the same time? How does one know their rating on the sex-skills scale? On a one-to-ten are you an even 6? Ten plus? Minus two? Is there a grading curve? Will there be math involved?
#1 Keeping an open mindIn the swinging 70s, Masters and Johnson, the sex scientists, determined that sexual bliss concerns the brain as much as the body. In laymen’s terms-to get the body going, the mind must follow. So your first step to the sexual Holy Grail is the “shagging trinity”. Knowledge of you and your lover’s bodies and how they work, experience with them (for practice makes perfect and perfect practice is even better) and the hardest one, an open mind. Seems as though the ability of letting go of our inhibitions is harder then it seems.
#2 I'm tri-sexual
The definition of a tri-sexual is one who will try anything sexual (within reason) at least once. They tend to make the best lovers simply because they never judge a creative sexual suggestion; no matter how off the beaten path. So what if your partner has a thing for going through the Kama Sutra and trying out each and every position with you- take it as a compliment. As long as you are flexible enough to do it, then try it out. At the very least, you’d be known as the lover who tried. And will make you a definite shoe-in for the “great lover”- category.
Sex and fun goes hand and hand- or genital to genital. The more you play, the higher you’re rated. Tricks aren’t just for kids anymore. Put on the Princess Leia costume and get kidnapped by the Storm Troopers. Take turns being a sex slave for the evening. Additional points if you tie them up and bring sex toys into your routine: use blindfolds, whip cream, or ice cubes in any variation.
#4 Bust a move
If the old saying “A closed mouth never gets fed” is true. Then a set of closed legs never gets, well you know. Want to have amazing sex? Then initiate it! Even if you’re afraid of the big rejection. Cause if you don’t ask, you don’t get. This can also jump start even the deadest of dead in sex land. What’s more alluring then taking charge of your sex life instead of waiting for it to happen? If you want to get an “A” for effort, you have to put in the work. Unfortunately, good sex just doesn’t happen; not even close! So swallow your pride and get to work!
Sex happens. And when it does it is often hot, sweaty, noisy and smelly by nature. If it hasn’t happened to you, then mark yourself in the “boring lover” category and go home! A good lover has had lube squirted in her hair due to sweaty palms, laughed hysterically since she had uncontrollable gas and realized that at that very moment that she really needs to go to the gym.
Location, location, location! So you’ve had sex in every room in your house/apartment/condo? Then branch outside? Try the beach, a covered parking garage or the backseat of car to spice it up a bit. There’s a bit exhibitionist in all of us. And it ranks up high on the fantasy scale. risk So be creative when thinking of amours areas!
#7 Ask an ex
The true test your ex’s. If you are one the lucky few that are still friends with an old lover or two- ask them. The conversation always turns to the one question that is one everyone’s mind: "How was I?” Realize that they may not sugarcoat their opinions. But more than likely you will get the pleasant surprise of an ex who was wild about you performance. The more exes who praise you between-the-sheets, the higher your Sexpert status.
Now make your list and check it twice. Are you naughty or nice? Crowned Sex Goddess or a mere mortal among women? Remember that it’s all in the attitude that you approach your lover with. The rest will take care of it self.
Now make your list and check it twice. Are you naughty or nice? Crowned Sex Goddess or a mere mortal among women? Remember that it’s all in the attitude that you approach your lover with. The rest will take care of it self.
.jpg)
“I was raised by a tribe of drag queens. They taught me how to be fierce with a pen and lip-gloss,” often jokes writer Shannon Andrews-Ray. Having dated both sexes for nearly 15 years, Shannon gives an ‘Alice through the Looking Glass’ spin on the often hilarious mating habits of both men and women, through her various incarnations of her dating columns. “Love’s Frosting” is her most recent tumble.